Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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