Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
