Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
