she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
