can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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