why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
