One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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