I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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