remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
