I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
