There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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