you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
