my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
