if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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