You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
