trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
