the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize