I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
