He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
