Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
