May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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