i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i believe in u and ur pee
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
