one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
