CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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