He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We talked him into tasing himself.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
