I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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