pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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