hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
