I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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