I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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