So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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