Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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