Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
