i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
