dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's like iHOP with fire
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Randomize
