how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize