He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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