fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
