Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
