I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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