Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
