Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
