we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
