please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
