God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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