that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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