You can't motorboat a personality
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
