why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
