Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
