11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
