the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
