turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
did i walk over a car last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
