I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
