I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize