When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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