So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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