are you so shy because you have an std?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
