I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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