haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
