i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
