I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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