Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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