Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
