You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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