Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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