reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
