I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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