He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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