if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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