I'm lost and stupid without you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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