can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
