When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
