I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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